Health Wisdom

You’re not looking so hot today.

Yeah, I’m not feeling so hot, either. And not all of us can sit in trees all day.

Why don’t you cut out of work and go home?

You going to come down here and move this dung for me?

Uh, no.

What’re your symptoms?

Fever, body aches, spinning head.

Well, feed a cold starve a fever. Or is it the other way around?

What does that even mean?

I really don't know.

Dreams

I had a messed-up dream last night.

What happened?

I was back in my home grove up north and I was with this girl I used to know. And you know on The Christmas Carol when ghosts from the different Christmases come by and take Scrooge on trips through time?

Yeah.

Well, in my dream that’s kind of what the girl was doing. She was taking me to all these places where I’d spent time as a kid. Like my schools and the town grocery store and my friends’ houses and stuff.

Cool. Did you see yourself as a young three toed?

Nope, I didn’t.

Why was it messed-up?

Well, the last location she took me to was a very tall tree. I mean like 200 feet tall. And there were only two branches and they both went straight up and they were very close together. She stood on top of one and I stood on top of the other and we quietly watched the river pass through the jungle down in the valley below us. And everything was so green and lush.

Interesting. Did you ever like this girl? I mean, were you reliving a past relationship through your dream?

No, I never did. I mean we hung out a lot but that was it.

Interesting.

Yeah, but then the tree started to tip over. And I forgot to mention that there were no leaves on this tree whatsoever. And no bark. It was just a smooth gray tree with two branches and a very large trunk. So anyway the tree started to tip. And it was really slow and I thought, “How can this be? How can I keep us from falling?” But we fell.

Did you guys get hurt?

No. When we were about half way down I yelled to her, “Spread out your arms and legs and they will break your fall in the foliage near the ground.”

Did it work?

No. We both landed face down, spread eagle on the muddy river bank of the river. Then I woke up.

Wierd.

Last night I dreamed about digging. My dreams are always about digging.



Have you heard the song "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loves Me"?

Sure. Classic Smiths.



"Last night I dreamt that somebody loves me. No hope no harm, just another false alarm."

I always thought it sounds so dismal.



Yeah, it does. I mean, it is.

Cardinals and An Uncle

So the Cardinals won the Series.

Yeah, good for them.

You were rooting for them?

Well, yeah, sort of. I’m a Cubs fan so I can’t really root for the Cardinals since they’re in the same division, but I really like the team and the guys they have on there now. Especially Edmonds, Eckstein and Pujols. And I’m happy to see the National League finally take one.

I don’t think the Cardinals really won, though. I mean, it’s more like the Tigers lost it.

People keep saying that and it pisses me off. The Card’s showed up, didn’t they? They got the hits and scored the runs. They pitched and made plays in the field. Just because the Tigers were favored doesn’t mean the Card’s couldn’t win it. Upsets happen all the time.

Yeah, but the Tigers were barely there. Maybe they threw it.

Oh, ok.

You don’t think it’s possible?

Sure I do. Cheating is all over. Look at Rogers. But, I just don’t see it. I mean, it wasn’t obvious. Someone in the media would’ve picked up on it and said something. And what would their motive be? The Black Sox were getting ripped off by Comiskey. But there’s no way anyone playing in the Majors today needs money. And the city of Detroit loves the Tigers right now. It’s not like they would do it to stick it to the fans for a lack of support. Plus, I think Leyland would have beaten the hell out of anyone he suspected as throwing.

Yeah, he would’ve.

He reminds me of an uncle I once had.

An uncle you once had? What does that mean?

I don’t know. I only have one memory of him and it was when I was very young. He was telling me a story of how he was driving down the highway one winter and came up on an accident. He got out to see if he could help and ended up packing the person’s guts back into their body with snow to keep them alive until the ambulance came.

Wow. That’s some uncle. A sloth who could drive and save people’s lives.

Yeah. Wonder where he went.

Diversity Envy

Do you ever feel you lack diversity?

Sure. All the time. I spend my life forming and transporting balls of dung. Not a lot of diversity in that.

Exactly! And I’ve been up these trees my whole life. I mean, I come down to poop and that’s it. There’s so many things I’d like to do and see but just can’t because, you know, the sloth thing.

Yeah, I know. You don't get around much.

I feel like an idiot. I mean, I want to be able to carry on intelligent conversations and have an important voice in the community but I feel like I’m transparent. I mean, I’ve lived in this same five square miles of forest all my life. I don’t even know what the sloths on the other side of the forest talk like or talk about. I can’t relate.

Well, let me tell you their dung is all the same.

Seriously, though, what if I wanted to become an author or a political figure? I’d be laughed out of the community. I don’t have vision. I can’t speak in anyone’s language but my own.

Why would you need to speak a different language?

Not different languages, I guess, just different ways of speaking. Speaking out of different experiences. I mean, I don’t know how two toed sloths speak. I’ve never lived with them and done the things that they do. They’d never take me seriously because I don’t speak from the same experiences they do.

Well, we’re all alive and having experiences. You don’t have to speak a different language just talk about common experiences. There are things that we all go through.

Yeah. Do listen to Of Montreal?

A little bit. I really like Satanic Panic In the Attic. "Lysergic Bliss" and "Will You Come and Fetch Me" kill me every time. I haven’t gotten into their other albums, though.

There’s a really great song called “Don’t Ask Me To Explain” off the album Cherry Peel. He sings, "How am I supposed to let it show when I don't even know?" That’s kind of what I’m talking about. I want to say great things but I don’t even know how to.

There’s nothing more to it than you just do it, is all. If it works out, fine. If not, whatever. You're still a sloth hanging upside down in a tree.

Yeah. Have you ever done something like that?

No.