Friday, April 20, 2007

Was Shakespeare a Vegan?

[Sol.jpg]

I’m thinking about becoming a vegan.

[Buck.jpg]

What? In the last post you were raving on and on about Panda Express! I could barely see your eyes over the pile of Orange Chicken on your plate!

[Sol.jpg]

I know but that was almost a month ago.

[Buck.jpg]

Do you even know what being vegan means?

[Sol.jpg]

Of course: no animal products.

[Buck.jpg]

Do you understand what that means, though?

[Sol.jpg]

Of course! You don’t eat meat or diary. You don’t wear leather. Etc.

[Buck.jpg]

And that’s fine with you?

[Sol.jpg]

It will be if I decide to go through with it.

[Buck.jpg]

Maybe you should start with becoming a vegetarian.

[Sol.jpg]

Eh, I don’t know. I don’t want to do something half-assed.

[Buck.jpg]

(Laugh.) Vegetarianism is not half-assed. It’s a very stringent way of life. I mean I’m sure you get used to it but right at first, you know?

[Sol.jpg]

Yeah. I just figure if I’m going to do it I’m going all the way.

[Buck.jpg]

I see. Okay, well, I mean it’s your life. What brought this on?

[Sol.jpg]

I just feel like I need to change. Something is stirring and I need to direct it. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m just part of a machine—a lifeless, inorganic, inhumane machine. I feel like I need to jump ship. Start something new. Be something different.

[Buck.jpg]

You know humans have been eating meat as long as they’ve existed though, right?

[Sol.jpg]

Yeah, but it’s different now. It’s different today than it was however many thousands of years ago. I’m not hunting the meat. Nor am I raising it. I’m not handling it prudently through a natural process. It’s all machine and chemistry now. I just feel like I’m eating some guy’s science project over and over. I crave a natural meal.

[Buck.jpg]

Like leaves and roots and bark?

[Sol.jpg]

Yeah, I guess. And beans and tomatoes and mushrooms and fruits.

[Buck.jpg]

I’m really surprised. This is very interesting. What about tofu?

[Sol.jpg]

What about it?

[Buck.jpg]

It just seems so disgusting.

[Sol.jpg]

Well it is coagulated soy milk.

[Buck.jpg]

Ugh. Just give me milk and eggs and hamburgers and steaks and a nice, honey butter-grilled salmon. That’s what I’m talking about.

[Sol.jpg]

Hey man, I love those things, too.

[Buck.jpg]

Love is not love when you want to cut it out of your life forever.

[Sol.jpg]

Way to go Shakespeare on me.

[Buck.jpg]

You made me do it.