Sol Shaves His Armpit

I shaved my armpit yesterday.

Why!?

I thought it might look sexy.

A guy with one shaved armpit is supposed to look sexy?

No, I thought if I shaved my armpits it’d look sexy. I was going to do both but then I thought if it sucked I’d only have one that would be all itchy until it grew out. So I only did my right one.

Brilliant. How is it?

It’s really itchy.

I mean how does it look?

Well, I don’t want to brag, but it looks pretty sexy.

DJ Support Groups

How do you think dj’s keep from getting tired of playing the same music over and over?

There’s no way they could.

I wonder if they play games or something in the booth to take their mind off the music. Like Nerf basketball. That’s what I’d do.

I have a friend from high school who went into broadcasting. All he ever wanted was to become a dj. He loved music and knew more about music than anyone I ever knew before or since. He went to college and got his degree while working at the college radio station. After he finished school he did an internship at Z100 in NYC and then got a full time position at a station in Duluth.

He was really happy and everything and that was the last I talked to him up until eight months ago. He called me out of nowhere to catch-up. I asked him about his job and he said he hadn’t been a dj for years. He’d gotten out of the business because he couldn’t take it anymore. When I asked him what happened he said, “Listening to all those Sting songs over and over drove me crazy.” I thought he was kidding but he wasn’t.

He said after about five years at the station in Duluth he could never get Sting out of his head. His songs just kept repeating over and over and over. He started having trouble sleeping. Then he started to miss work. Then he started losing control of his temper. Then his wife left him. Then he got a bunch of parking violations around town that he just brushed off so they impounded his car.

One day it all came to a head when he was in the DC Six Ave Milk House there in Duluth. Sting’s song “If You Love Somebody Set Them Free” came over the radio and he just snapped. The police got called in and he got tasered and put in jail for the weekend. He jumped bail and went down to Florida and he’s been working at a newsstand ever since.

All because of Sting?!

All because of Sting.

That’s frightening.

They should have support groups for dj’s.

That’s a good idea.

SS meetings instead of AA.

What does SS stand for?

Sting Sanity.

I wonder if I set that up if it could count toward my community service.

You have to do community service?

Yes.

How much?

500 hours.

What for?

J walking.

You must've done a lot of j walking.

I have.

What Do You Know?

Do you ever get frightened by the unkown?

Sure.

How frightened?

Somewhat frightened.

I get terrified. I mean, like, do you think the day will come when our country will fall like Rome?

I don’t know.

I know! I don’t know either!

Bad things happen but you can’t live you life waiting for them to happen. You have to stay
grounded on what you know.

What do I know?

I don’t know. What do you know?

I can find the Hudson River on a map.

Well. See? There you go.

(Re)Introductions

Sol



Buck



Chick

Dear Readers

The time has come for Buck, Sol and Chick to take on new forms. They've outgrown their dung beetle, sloth and flying squirrel identities. I pulled the images I was using for Buck, Sol and Chick from the internet and never intented them to be permanent.

Thank you for your patience.

Josh

Chick Returns Buck's Clap Your Hands Say Yeah CD

Here’s the Clap Your Hands Say Yeah cd I borrowed. Sorry I had it so long.

(Chick hands Buck a cd in a cd tray—no jewel case, no insert, no artwork. Only a cd in a cd tray.)

Uh…no problem. Where’s the rest of it, though?

The rest of what?

The cd? Where are the case and the inserts?

I didn’t like the other stuff so I threw it out. The cd is good, though. I liked it.

You threw it out? Why would you throw it out?

I just did. It’s no big deal.

It’s my cd, though.

Yeah and here you have the cd. What’s the big deal?

That was my cd!

This is your cd. You have the cd. Relax.

You’ve got to be kidding me!

Calm down.

Where’s my stuff!?

Please, calm down.

Calm down? What are you talking about!? What’s going on!?

I’m not talking about this anymore.

(Chick leaves.)