This Information is Imperative To You and It's Imperative To Me

I was downtown yesterday and this guy came up to me and asked me if I was interested in making some extra money.

Did you slap him?

No, it wasn’t like that. He was nicely dressed and very professional.

Did you slap him?

(Laughs.)

What’s wrong with you guys?

Uh, well, for starters we know guys.

It wasn’t like that.

Sure.

Okay.

Seriously! Anyways, he asked me if I was interested in hearing about a job.

Did you slap him?

(Laughs.)

You guys are idiots! Will you stop?! Let me finish my story.

Okay. Go ahead.

I told him I wasn’t from around here and was just here on vacation and he said, “That’s okay. Our financial opportunity is for anyone, anywhere.”

Uh oh.

What?

This doesn’t sound good.

Well, let me finish.

Okay.

Well, I told him I wasn’t interested. And he asks me why and I said I just wasn’t interested. So then he reaches in his jacket and pulls out a cd and hands it to me, okay? And he says, “This cd is only 15 minutes and it has some information about a financial opportunity. Will you listen to it?” I was kind of, like, at a loss for words, you know? I mean, who does that? I said I wasn’t interested. And he said, “Listen to it anyway and I promise you will change your mind.” And then he asked if he could call me tomorrow and find out what I thought about it—if I was interested, or something. I said no. I wasn’t going to give him my cell.

Good girl.

You think I’m stupid enough to give a strange guy my cell? Well, he says, “Do you live around here? Maybe we could just meet for a few minutes tomorrow and you could tell me what you thought about what you heard.” I said I didn’t live around here and if I see him again it would be a freak accident and I’d be very disappointed.

Nice!

Well, then I said I had to go, right? And he takes off his sunglasses and looks me right in the eye and says, “I have to say that the information on that cd is imperative to you and it is imperative to me. I hope you’ll listen to it and if you’re interested in learning more my cell number and email are printed on the cd, there.”

Weird. What’d you say?

So I took off my sunglasses and looked him in the eye and said, “It’s imperative that you understand that I’m not interested and I wouldn’t call you if I was drowning in a river.”

(Laugh.)

Idiot.

Well, that’s how they work.

Who?

Network marketers. That’s why I said “Uh oh.” “Our financial opportunity is for anyone, anywhere,” is a tell-tale sign. You can spot their tactics a mile away. They try to get anyone with a pulse to buy their product and become a sales representative for that product. Then those people try to get people to buy the product and become salesmen. Then those people do it and so on and so on. The people at the top of the chain rake in all the money.

Well, he made me very uncomfortable.

Yeah, they do that. I hate talking to them. I used to have some neighbors that would try to sell me discount airline tickets and rental car vouchers every time I saw them so I stopped talking to them.

I’ve never even heard of anyone like that.

Maybe the can sense you’re a dead end for them.

Yeah maybe.

I’m just kidding, Sol.

Oh. Yeah.