"All Things Go"

I got in the van yesterday to take the family to Target to get some groceries and my three year old says, “Daddy, do all things go.”

“All things go”?

Yeah.

What does that mean?

That’s what I was thinking. I thought she must’ve been saying something she heard on a movie or something until I realized she meant Sufjan Stevens “Chicago.”

Oh, right, “All things go.”

Yeah, exactly. So I put it on and asked, “Is this what you wanted?” And both my girls cheered! They cheered for Sufjan!

That’s cool. You have hipster kiddies.

I know. I’m so proud. And the other day that same one—the three year old—was walking around singing the intro vocal to “New Slang.”

Really? She’s three?

Yeah. And our seven year old overheard my wife and I talking about going to see The Shins and asked if she could come.

What did you say?

I said, “Not this time, dear. Definitely when you get a little older, okay?”

How’d she take it?

She was pissed.

Ha, that’s awesome.

And my ringtone is “I Was Born (A Unicorn)” and every time I get a call they start singing, “I was born a unicorn. I missed the arc but I could’ve sworn you’d wait for me!” Makes me so proud.

Maybe I should have kids.

So they can sing the songs you like?

Yeah. And, I mean, I gotta pass on my name, right?

Well, yeah. Unless you get two girls.

Ha, yeah. I guess you’re a little out of luck. I guess it doesn’t matter, though.

Sure it matters.

Well, I just mean what are you going to do, you know?

Yeah. Nothing. But it does matter.

Maybe you guys will still have a son.

No, I think we’re done.

How do you know? I mean, I don’t mean to pry…

No, it’s fine. Kids are awesome and they’re so great and funny and amazing. And, on the flip side…um…well, having kids is hard. And it’s expensive. And you want to give them everything you have and everything you can and at the end of the day you feel like there’s nothing else you can do—nothing else to give or offer. And you love them so much but it’s hard and it’s such a sacrifice, you know? Anyway. My wife and I just feel that we’re good with two kids, you know? We’re able to give what we need to and there’s no real lacking, if that makes sense.

Sure.

And we don’t want to be old parents. I mean, as it stands, I will be…what…44 when our youngest is 18? I’m comfortable with that. My wife will be 41. She’s comfortable with that. But when we start talking about being parents of young kids into our 50’s we just, uh, you know, don’t feel comfortable.

Makes sense.

I mean I feel selfish saying it but we hope to be young and able to do a lot of things we haven’t been able to do because we started our family so young.

Why did you start your family so young? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking.

That’s fine. I don’t really know, you know? A lot of it had to do with the influence of religion.

What do you mean?

I mean a teaching that families are an integral part of God’s plan of happiness for us and part of our purpose on earth is to participate in the establishment of families and that we shouldn’t put off marriage and having children for…um…self-centered reasons.

Oh. You were raised with that?

Yeah. And it’s fine. I mean it wasn’t beat down my throat or anything; it was just there.

Mmm.

Well, anyway, we were young and…um…dutiful.

I see. How old were you?

I was 22 when we got married and 23 when our oldest was born.

Huh. How old when the youngest was born?

Uh…let’s see. 27.

You guy’s were—are—young.

Yeah. And we knew going into it—the marriage—that we did want to have kids and we didn’t want to be old parents. So we…you know…started our family.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Would you change anything? I mean, you said how hard it is and how much you sacrifice for the kids. Would you do anything differently like wait or not have kids or anything?

No. Everyone has to do what’s right for them and this is what’s right for me, I guess. That doesn’t mean I don’t have daydreams, though, that help me get through the day.

Sure, who doesn’t?

What do you got?

NASCAR.

Really? I have to tell you, I don’t see that.

Remember our conversation about NASCAR in Madagascar?

Sure. NASCAR in Madagascar!

Yeah, right. Well, I never followed NASCAR before that but ever since then it’s always on my mind.

Cool. What else?

I’ve always wanted to take up fencing.

Swords?

Swords.

Cool. What else?

I dream of buying a huge RV and driving around the country. Or the continent, really.

Nice!

Yeah. I’d love to drive from Alaska to Cape Horn and see everything along the way. Make it a year long trip.

Cool.

How about you?

I have a daydream where I’m sitting in the shade of a grass hut on the soft sand of some tropical beach in Central or South America or somewhere in the Pacific; there are palm trees behind me off the beach and a warm and salty breeze is blowing in off the surf. I just sit there looking out at the ocean. The sun is setting. A native woman comes to my side and tells me dinner is ready. I get up and walk to the other side of the hut where there’s a table and chair in the sand under a white sheet hung by its four corners for shade. I sit down on the wood chair facing the ocean and the setting sun and dig my feet into the sand. There is no sound save for that of the waves on the water and the sheet softly swelling and sinking in the wind. The woman brings plates of hot food and bottles of cold drink to my table; I thank her cordially and begin eating. Not one recognizable element from my life is present on that beach. Everything is completely foreign and I am a foreigner.

That’s some dream, man. Very detailed. What else?

That’s about it.

One day dream?

Yeah.

Don’t you get bored of that one day dream?

It hasn’t failed me yet.

Hmm.