Some Perfect Crime

Do you ever think about how you could pull off the perfect crime?

Yeah. At 3:00 a.m. on nights when I can’t sleep. I hatch the perfect plan to get me out of my job and land me in a life of luxury on a private island off the western coast of Mexico or South America.

Yeah, that’s what I mean. What have you come up with?

Well, I don’t know if I want to spill the goods on my great plan.

C’mon, man, I’m not going to steal it from you.

Ok. I have a gun and I tie it to like 95 helium filled balloons, right?

Yeah.

Then I take out a zillionaire and load up his treasure trove. After that I go outside and let go of the gun and it just floats away! By the time the balloons pop the gun is 379 miles out over the Atlantic Ocean! It sinks to the bottom in 41 seconds never to be seen again. Meanwhile, I’m drinking tequila on a beach down in San Blas waiting for the hardwood flooring to be installed in my 80 million dollar hacienda.

That’s brilliant!

Well, there are a lot of details I’d have to work out, you know? For starters, I’d have to get a gun. And I’d have to figure out exactly how many balloons I actually need to float the gun to the Atlantic. (It’d be so much easier if I lived on the Eastern seaboard.) And I’d have to figure out where I’d get all those balloons without someone getting suspicious along the line. And, of course, I’d have to find a zillionaire.

Wow. I’m just really impressed. That’s a really good idea.

Thanks, man. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to knock off some rich guy, but dreaming about the tropical life gets me through the day, right?

Of course.

How about you? What have you come up with?

Nothing, man. All I can think of is ski mask.

Ski mask what?

I don’t know. Just ski mask.

Oh.